Good Morning,

I decided I would continue a bit, before starting my hectic work day. Had a great cardio session this morning, training legs tonight.

I honestly haven't trained in quite some time. I could say it is because of my three kids, and work, and husband, and house, travel, three dogs.. I could say that... but the truth is, I just was burned out, When I did have time, I would find any excuse in the world not to go to the gym, or even jump on the treadmill. Not sure why.. I just couldn't pull myself to do it. But like my husband tells me when I start getting down on myself.. He says, Honey, you are not fat enough, because when you get fat enough, you will do something about it... He is not being mean, in fact he has never said anything about my wieght or shape since we have been together.

Later in my story you will learn more about him, and his influence in my life. For now,  I will pick up where I left off.

Let's see, I believe somewhere around 18 years old.....

I graduated from high school, had random jobs, oh yeah,, and was pregnant again.

I was in a horrible marriage. A husband who couldn' t keep a job, was heavy handed, and verbally cruel. To both me and the children.

But, this was what I was taught to be a normal marriage. Since I grew up in it... I can say, that even though my husband at that time, was useless. His family was wonderful. They loved me like a daughter, His father a spanish minister, his mother, an angel I am sure of it. I had five sister in laws and a brother in law. They helped when they could , but they also believed that a marriage was a marriage, no matter what was going on it it. So I plugged along...

Then,, an act that would force me to make a decision. We were in Brooklyn, visiting some of my husbands family. He went out to a nightclub with his cousins, I went out with his female cousins. Somehow we ended up in the same nightclub as them.

I will never forget walking into the club, heading around a corner, and there he was, sitting there, making out with some woman.

He headed to the bathroom when he saw, me.. stayed in there, refusing to come out...  Finally he did, I gave him a piece of my mind, it was a long ride back to Pennsylvania.  He explained that he didn't feel bad, that if I wouldn't have showed up, he would have left with her. ( he always had a way of being so mentally cruel). Well this was it, my time to decide if I would continue the cycle I had lived in my whole life, or break it.

So upon arriving home, I packed up my 2 year old Vanessa, and my 6 month old Veronica. Loaded my little Geo Tracker up with our clothes, and said goodbye to my in laws, ( they begged and pleaded for me to stay). I told him goodbye. ( or so I thought)

My sister lived in Charlotte NC, and said I could come stay with her only for 3 months to get on my feet. So I drove there, all the while scared,. What would I do with two kids, no husband, in a new city, no job, no friends. This is where I thanked my mother for all the moving. You see, You could plop me on the moon, and I would find a way to fit in, work, make a living.. Yes, bits of my past would become blessings indeed.

Getting a job was not going to be difficult, it was figuring out how to pay for childcare. So I decided to work at a daycare. Where I could establish an income and get free childcare. It worked perfectly, got an apartment, was on my way....Then the loneliness crept in. ( hey I am human too). My ex was calling, begging to come join me and the children, after deciding my kids needed a father, I accepted.

It only took a matter of  a month to realize what a mistake this was.. The physical and mental abuse started again..

By now I had moved on to a banking job, but the toll of my miserable marriage was becoming obvious. Everyday, he would remind me of how much he didn't love me, kept asking me to leave. ( but leave the kids).. Which one thing I vowed when I become a mother. I would never leave my children,  ever.. The situation worsened, I even tried to throw us a wedding we never had, to renew our vows. hoping this would work. But it was standing at the reception, and we were asked to say a few words about the other person. I said my piece, I had convinced myself that I could change him, and that I loved him, so I expressed all the good things I could find.

When it was his turn, he simply thanked me for being the mother of his children. As we left the stage, I asked him.. Couldn't you at least have said you love me,, I will never forget him looking at me, and saying, " why,, I'm not going to lie"  That was another light bulb moment in my life, and there are many.

we continued on like this for another year,, I again had moved onto another job, higher position. With a safety company, started at customer service, again defining my position, not allowing it to define me. Soon found I had a niche with "fall Protection" for construction workers, soon became the specialists in the office, and moved into sales.

Home life was hell, it took my closest friend at the time witnessing my husband attack on me , the choking, throwing me around. Thank God for her. She helped me see that I was worth more than that.

So,,, I ended it again, I gave him permission to leave, He kept begging to end the marriage, but wanted my approval I guess.

He left, he took everything,except the children. He took  the furniture, the dishes, everything, except my daughters beds.  I slept on a piece of foam every nigh, but was happy he was gone.

I don't think I even ever missed him.. But here I was again, facing being a single mother, not yet making much money. I had  $1200 a month daycare bill, Yet I only brought home at that time $1300. Rent , car, bills, what was I going to do.

I just kept at it,, After some time went by, I decided to start going out. I was 21 had been married for 5 years. So why not.

I met a guy one night out, actually  I was with my ex sister in law, ( whom had moved to NC during the previous year) She encouraged me to try and meet someone. And I did, I have to say, he wasn't a man, he was only 19. But he was interested in me, and I figured what the hell. I deserve some fun. So over time, we started hanging out. He met my kids, he actually spent more time with them , then me sometimes. I decided, that God had sent me an angel, that all my years growing up in hell, living through abuse, hunger, homelessness, lonliness, and despair.. God had decided to send me an angel.

His name was Marc, I would find out years later, from his brothers, that the night he met me.. He went home and told his brothers that he met the woman, he would marry, and be with for 50 years. 

Okay,, so we dated off and on, I dated other guys also, he dated other girls.. We were friends first and foremost,,, hanging out, going fishing. I couldn't get over how much he cared for my girls. It seemed to good to be true, a guy like that. But it was true.. He had his share of drama, an ex girlfriend dragging him through the mud, with a paternity issue. which finally was resolved, not his child.

At the time, Marc was Mr Charlotte, teen bodybuilding champion. LOL.. funny if you think about it. Here is this young guy, incredible body, gorgeous, and then me... a single mother of two, I had lived more at that time, than he could even imagine. I lived eating  spam, and vienna sausages, and was a size 14. Lifting weights was something I had only done in gym class...

During that next year, alot of things would change, Marc at the time went from selling Sports Nutrition products in a parking lot, to working  at GNC. We had moved in together at this point, I still had my job at the safety company. Never recieved a dime for child support from the ex. Money was minimal. But we made it work. I started training, again trying to balance kids, job, and new relationship.

I was very creative in my training.. Since money was tight, I couldn't maintain a gym membership, Marc and I aquired a stair stepper someone threw out. had a bar, and a few free weights.. I can remember putting cans in grocery bags, and doing bicep curls with them. I would do dips in the kitchen where my counters met in a corner.  We were very creative when we needed to be.

We would go to the park alot with the kids, They loved it, cardio would consist of playing follow the leader for 45minutes, Up hills down hills, leap frog, tag, racing up stairs. Racing with the kids on our backs..lol  Everyone would win, the kids had a ball, we were bonding, and we got our cardio in.

More time went by, I decided to enter a fitness show. The Europa Armed Forces Bodybuilding and Fitness show. It was held in Virginia.

Now I had not been training long, maybe 6 months, but why not. I had changed my body, ( not nearly enough) but to me it was enough. Marc helped me with a routine, he made my music on a two bit cassette recorder,, I never will forget, Gloria Estefon, Coming out of the Dark...lol  OH I had a lot to learn.  Anyway,, at the show it was no surprise, I took dead last... What changed me at that show was not losing. It was the girl who was guest posing. I asked her what could I do to go further in the sport, ( I had thick thighs, always have) I was looking for help, She looked me up and down, and said,, the only thing I could do to go further was to get lipo suction.

I was devestated, and embarrased. As if coming in last wasn't bad enough, I was humiliated. But if you have learned anyting about me from reading this, it is,, that was only going to become my fuel, to work harder.

And I did,, I started learning better eating habits, training more seriously.. Still utilizing my old stair stepper. Marc took me to watch  the North Carolina competition ( by the way, he had competed a few times through this , and won, every time) I watched Susan Curry win the NC State Fitness title. I decided at that show, I was going to do what she did, and win that title.. So I trained. I entered the Metrolina classic. I took third ,, not bad, at least it wasn't last. I kept training, I was learning balance in  my life, between my kids, my work, and my training. Marc won the Metrolina by the way. He won the open division, as a light weight, and the overall for the whole show..

I went on to enter the NC State, I took 3rd, But knew I was on the right track. Life was good, a few struggles here and there. Never had enough money, but Marc and I and the girls were happy. Marc also was offered a job in customer service by Europa Sports Products. ( now the largest Sports Nutrition Distributor in the US), at that time they had about 3 sales reps, and you had to know someone to even be considered for a job. Alot of people knew Marc from his competing, he was a perfect fit. He started in customer service, and soon would be moved into sales.

We decided to get married, We worked hard, we wanted a nice wedding, but we had limited funds. So we were creative, I made all the flowers, with the help of my sister, and mother in law to be, we made all the decorations. Found a great dress on sale, Had a friend make all the brides maids dresses. My sister and friends prepared all the food for the reception.. It was great.. I worked partime at the local gym for extra money. Marc even helped a ton with making the flowers.. He is great with a glue gun..lol

Finally in Oct of 1998, we had a beautiful wedding, did it on $2500 and paid for it ourselves. Yes life was good. My best friend used to say, that God was allowing me such happiness to offset all the misery I had been through. I had no choice but to agree, and go with the flow.

1998 would prove to be my year. Marc and I entered the NC State Championships together. I felt it this year. I was going to win. And I did, I won my class and the overall. Marc also won the lightweight class.  Yes life was good.

I was encouraged to go on to the Southern States, in Florida, in august of 1999, I decided to go. It was going to be tough, back then Fitness dominated. Every show brought tons of girls. There was no figure division then. Fitness was where it was at. I was scared to death, 20 girls in my class. Veterans, many that are on the pro stages today. I did well, I placed second. I was very satisfied.

Many told me that I was on my way to becoming a Pro. ,, however life had other plans...

Well, again, going to stop there....more to come